Questions

How did you first enter the modeling industry?

My mother got my involved when I was 8 years old. I wasn’t interested in ballet or sports, and a local modeling school was giving a “Cinderella class.” It seemed like a great fit for me at the time. It helped me deal with my height, stand up straight, and gain some poise.

Why did you want to become a model?

All my life people told me I should be a model. It seemed so natural.

How did your parents feel about it?
Did you hide anything from them?

My parents were very supportive of me seeking out my dreams. They wanted to give me every possible chance to succeed in anything I wanted to do.

Later on, while living in Europe from 17-23, I hid a lot of things from them, mostly because I didn’t want to shatter their image of me and of the “exciting life” of a professional model. I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn’t want them to know what life was like behind the scenes because then they wouldn’t support it. I wanted the freedom to travel as a young woman on my own and make money.

Can you give me some examples of ways that being in the modeling industry hurt you as a young girl?

It really hurt my sense of self worth. It taught me that I was only what I looked like. I was only a “thing,” a mannequin, a product to be bought and sold. And it taught me that my value was based on my outward appearance.

And what happened? What turned your life around?

After doing the Armani shows in Milan, I hit bottom as a result of an eating disorder, drug use and loneliness. I couldn’t maintain the façade. I am too tender of a person to be just a “thing.” Like it did to a lot of girls, it simply got to me. I became ill and lost my “good looks”. Then I experienced more rejection.

Some people reached out to me for Christ in Munich. They shared the gospel with me, took me to church, and gave me a Bible. Reading the Word completely opened my eyes that there was more to life than what I was doing, that there could be hope and a future for me beyond modeling.

So tell me about the title of the book, Girl Perfect.
What does that mean?

In order to tell my story and make it applicable to all women, I had to find something that united us all. The search for “perfect” is something we all want and are taught can be found. According to the fairy tales of the world, we are told that we can find the perfect love, the perfect dream, the perfect future … and the world tells us we need to have the perfect body, the perfect look, the perfect success story.
o Girl Perfect is about every girl in search of perfect, in search of something that will fill the longings of our hearts.

What led you to write this book?

The moment I came home after having left the modeling industry, I felt immediately that I must tell my story, although at the time I hadn’t even begun to heal and see the perspective of how it applied to all women.

Over ten years later, I was truly ready to be completely open about what I had been through, and publishing the book was really the final component in my healing.

What in your story did you feel compelled to share with
girls and women?

I felt compelled for girls and women to know that what they see in the magazines is a complete façade, and that just because a girl looks perfect in the picture, it says nothing about the fulfillment she has in her personal life. Pictures can be very deceiving, and I didn’t want another generation of girls comparing themselves to women in the magazines and feeling “less-than.” I felt desperate for them to know the struggles of the models’ lives, and realize that the world’s perception of “perfect beauty” is an illusion.

How have you been able to use your experiences to enrich other girls’ and women’s lives?

I’ve been getting letters from girls all over the world about the impact the book has had on their lives, so that is a huge blessing. I also speak at women’s and girls’ events around the country, sharing my story and teaching them what God sees as real, lasting beauty. I love sharing the biblical picture of beauty and helping women base their identity and self-worth on who they are in God’s eyes alone.

Talking Points

Chapter 1:

The Perfect Affirmation: guys and sexuality. What do you think the world is telling girls about their sexuality? What does affirmation mean and how are girls taught to receive it? How can God in their lives change that for them?

The world is telling girls that their sexuality is their source of power and worth. Affirmation is the longing to be approved of and validated. The world teaches girls that their bodies and sexuality are the source by which they will receive approval and validation.

God validates us by one thing: the Cross. He made us, He loves us; we are His creations and His daughters. But even further, He says our bodies are His temples where He desires for His spirit to dwell and reign. Christ on the Cross is the perfect picture of His love for us – it is our source of affirmation.

When our affirmation comes directly from who we are in God’s eyes and how valuable and special we are to Him, we do not need to use our sexuality as a way to get that affirmation. We become so much more secure in who we are and how precious our sexuality and bodies are.

Chapter 2:

The Perfect Acceptance: girls, jealousy and the comparison game. You say in the book that jealousy and comparisons plagued you when you were a model. Can you explain how that can become a trap for young women?

When girls base their self-worth on comparing themselves to other girls, they will always be on a roller coaster ride. One day, they will feel beautiful and worthy of love, and the next, they won’t. As long as their self-image is based on comparisons, they will always be insecure and have an easily-shattered sense of self.

Once again, the Cross is our source of real, lasting acceptance. On the Cross, Christ demonstrated that no matter how unworthy and sinful we are, He accepts and loves us. When our sense of acceptance comes from Him, we really don’t need to compare ourselves to other women and girls, and instead we can: 1. focus on being the best we can be, and 2. accept, applaud and encourage other women’s gifts and talents.

Chapter 3:

The Perfect Image: getting real. You talk a lot in the book about masks. What are masks and what does it mean to take them off? The world places so much emphasis on having “the perfect image.” How can pursuing that be dangerous for girls? How can Christ free them from that? What is the “perfect image” in God’s eyes?

A mask is a cover-up, a kind of “plastic” veneer worn in order to hide what is really going on inside of us. Taking off the mask is being utterly real and vulnerable about what is truly going on underneath the façade. When we are “real” with God, He can help us heal from our hurts and do the transformative work that He desires to do in us. When we are “real” with others, we find that we relate much better with people because we are revealing our imperfections and humanity. People are repelled by masks and drawn to authenticity.

Pursuing the “perfect image” that the media portrays can be extremely unhealthy and even dangerous for girls. The lie they are buying into is that they can be perfect, whereas the truth is that perfect is simply not possible. So they get sucked into an endless battle, which often leads to depression, eating disorders, sexual promiscuity and other destructive behaviors.

In Christ, we are free to be “imperfect,” have flaws and quirks and yet be acceptable and beautiful in His eyes, regardless of what the world says.

The “perfect image” in God’s eyes is the image that reflects Him in the world. Made in the image of God, when we reflect God’s love and character in the world – through faith in Christ – we become little mirror reflections of God instead of the world. We become more like Him. The image that reflects His heart is the perfect image in God’s eyes; it has absolutely nothing to do with looks.

Chapter 4:

The Perfect Body: eating disorders, dissatisfaction and the battle for control. You share in the book about your experience with an eating disorder. Can you tell us what led you to that and how you healed of it? What is the one thing you would like to say to the millions of girls out there suffering with eating disorders?

Simply put, I believe the modeling industry itself ushered me right into an eating disorder. I had to be incredibly thin to do the runway, so I began starving myself, and I couldn’t see how thin I was. I continued to starve myself until I was at a very unhealthy, dangerous weight. It ruined my health for a number of years.

To the millions of girls out there suffering with eating disorders, I would say this: you deserve better. You deserve to be nourished. You are loved, adored, worth fighting for and worth dying for. You are a child of God, and as long as you continue this destructive behavior, you will always be hindered from finding God’s dreams and plans for your life. Get help and get well, immediately, so that you can begin to contribute your beautiful gifts and talents to the world and begin reflecting the image of your Creator. The greatest fulfillment you can ever have will be by turning away from the mirror and focusing on the good of others. You can get well. You can be free. But it begins with seeking help, counseling, and doing the work of getting well. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and you deserve to be free and whole again.

Chapter 5:

The Perfect Look: fashion, pride and real beauty. The world is so obsessed with having the “perfect look.” What did your experiences in and out of the modeling industry teach you about real beauty? What is real beauty in God’s eyes? Is there anything wrong with dressing well and having fun with fashion? What does God ask that we clothe ourselves with?

I have discovered that real beauty has absolutely nothing to do with appearance. Real beauty is an inner quality that shines through us and makes us radiant.

In God’s eyes, beauty is behavior. It comes from the way we conduct ourselves, the way we treat others, the choices we make. Real beauty is His Spirit living and active through us, bringing love, hope and healing to those we come in contact with.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with fashion. It is one of the creative gifts God has given man. The danger with fashion, however, is when it becomes the way we identify ourselves. Our identity should come from God, not from the clothes we wear, and our security better not be wrapped up in things that will some day be gone. Our security must come solely from our relationship with Him. Fashion, on the other hand, can be a beautiful way to express ourselves and reflect His image in the world, by showing that we are secure in who we are and that we don’t need to flaunt ourselves to be beautiful and worthy.

God asks that we clothe ourselves with Him – with His character – compassion, humility, respect, self-control, gentleness and kindness.

Chapter 6:

The Perfect Dream: money and success. You went through a period of time when you did everything you could to earn as much money as possible in the modeling industry, hoping that would satisfy you. What did you find out? You talk in the book about the importance of finding “God’s dreams” for your life. Can you expand on that?

I found out that money doesn’t satisfy a person, that no matter how much money you have, if you are not happy, you are not successful. True success has little to do with money. Real success comes from discovering and living out God’s dreams for our lives.

God’s dream for us is the dream He had when He made us. First of all, it is that we know Him and experience the security of a relationship with Him. Second, it is that He heals and frees us of whatever brokenness we have within. And third, it is that we discover His plans for our lives, His hopes for us. I believe that His dream for me was to use my experiences as a model to reach women for Him. The greatest dream of all is the one He has designed for us. When we find that dream and begin living it out, we experience a fulfillment that nothing in the world can provide.

Chapter 7:

The Perfect Escape: loneliness, drugs and suicide. You share very openly in the book about your experiences with drugs, depression, loneliness and even your attempted suicide in a chapter called “The Perfect Escape.” How were drugs an escape for you? What would you like to say to girls out there who are struggling with those very same things you struggled with? In the book you say that God has become your “great escape.” What do you mean by that?

Drugs were always a way to numb myself from my inner turmoil. To those struggling with loneliness and sadness, I would say that drugs will only be a temporary and eventually useless Band-aid. The wounds within must be healed through openness and honesty. Drugs will only enslave you more. A drug-free life is really a free life.
o God is my great escape because He is the place I run to when I’m hurting and alone. And it is NOT always easy! It is hard sometimes to run to a God that we cannot see. But in the pages of His Word, I am always given the wisdom I need, the love and acceptance I long for, and encouragement for the journey ahead. Whilst drugs drain you, the Word fills you up. It is the best possible place to run to when we are hurting or confused. I have learned to literally “escape” in Him.

Chapter 8:

The Perfect Path: the wide and narrow roads. When did you actually realize you were on the “wide road”? Can you explain what that is and what motivated you to get off of it? What is the narrow road and what does it lead to?

I realized I was on the “wide road” when I was modeling in Germany, trying to make money (which I thought would lead to satisfaction), when some people reached out to me for Christ, took me to church and got me a Bible. When for the first time in my life, I read about the “wide and narrow” roads, I knew immediately which one I was on: the wide one!

Realizing the wide road only led to destruction, which was the path I was on, and realizing that I had a choice to get off that road and get on the narrow one was the primary motivation to get off it. I had angels along the way, which I talk about in the book, who helped guide me off the wide road and onto the narrow one. But ultimately, I was a choice I made to start my life over again.

The narrow road is the road of walking with Christ. It is often hard and few are on it, but it is the road of fulfillment, because when we walk with Christ, we always have spiritual nourishment available to us. Nothing on earth is as fulfilling as a relationship with God.

Chapter 9:

The Perfect Fulfillment: the road to healing. There are so many girls and women out there who have been hurt or abused. How have you healed? What began your healing? And what is the completion, biblically speaking, of real healing? What would you like to say to girls who have experienced painful things like you did and are not truly free from them?

My healing began with speaking of my experience with a counselor. The more I began to open up to loved ones and my counselor about my crazy and often painful experiences, the more I began to heal.

Biblically speaking, the completion of real healing comes when we can turn our experiences around to help others. In helping other girls and women by sharing my story, I have found the healing to come full circle.

For girls that are suffering from painful experiences, I highly, highly recommend counseling. It’s just a “must” for girls who are suffering from any kind of abuse, eating disorder or destructive behavior. Counseling will provide them with a framework in which they are free to be open and honest about what they have experienced, deal with it, and eventually move on from it.

Chapter 10:

The Perfect Freedom: a beautiful mosaic. Your friends and family thought you were nuts when you left the modeling world, but you knew you had finally found “perfect freedom.” Can you explain what that means? What is the “mosaic” that you say God made out of your life?

As I say in the book, the “perfect freedom” is both freedom from my sin and freedom to be real, open and honest as to where I was when Christ found me. Finally, it gives me complete freedom to seek out His best for my life and no longer conform to the standards of what is acceptable in the world’s eyes.

The “mosaic” is the beautiful life God made out of the broken pieces of my little girl’s heart. Inside, we are all little girls, and when our hopes, dreams and sense of worth get shattered along the way, we have to give those hurts to God. He can take all those little broken pieces and put them back together so that we are truly more beautiful and whole than we were before. That’s what He has done with my life.

Girl Perfect is part of the mosaic, because it is a way that God is using my pain to encourage another in their moment of pain. That’s how He works. And my fulfillment and happiness now can truly give other women and girls hope that they too can be healed and free, happy and fulfilled.

Another important question is this:

How does your family feel about you sharing the ugly behind-the-scenes of your life as a model? What do you believe prevented you from opening up about your experiences when you were young? What is the one lesson you can share with parents and children when it comes to communication?

My parents have accepted and encouraged me to share my experiences in the hopes of helping other girls and women. They are extremely supportive of my ministry and believe that it all can be used for the good.

I didn’t open up to my parents about the ugly behind-the-scenes stuff of the modeling world because I was afraid of shattering their image of me, and because I wanted to continue use modeling as a way to “be free” to travel, make money and be independent as a young woman. Of course, that backfired completely! But my parents also didn’t ask any details about what my life was like working in Europe. I think they may not have wanted to know it all, because it could have possibly confused with their supportive role in my career.

Our family wants to highly encourage parents to communicate well with their children. Let your children know that they don’t have to be perfect to be accepted; they can come to their parents full of sin and fears and insecurities, and they will be completely loved and accepted. Parents have to ask the tough questions and be prepared to accept real answers without judgment. Kids have to know that their parents are a safe harbor for them.

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